Ok. So I admit it. I can’t get a restful night’s sleep. I don’t think I can blame it on insomnia. In fact, I think I can blame it on two things: our crappy old mattress with a hole in the middle and my overly stressed out mind that refuses to rest. I need some resolution to my life, I’ve decided.
For those of you that don’t know me, I just have entirely too much going on. I work as an assistant to Steve Jurich Scottsdale financial advisor for 6 hours a day, and then I go train horses and give riding lessons until dark. I feel, AGAIN, like I’m doing everything half -assed. I can’t adequately work my horses on a daily basis like I need to, and I go to work worrying about what I need to get done at the barn that day. I need to talk to my boss I guess and see if he will let me start working from 8-1 or 9-1 (at least on the days that I give lessons) so that I feel like I can actually do a good job at both.
I have goals to accomplish in my life and I’m not getting any younger. I want so badly to have horses to go to the pro-rodeos on. Do I know that I want to go down the road? I’m not entirely sure, but I damn sure want the ability to try! I want to be able to go to the barrel races and have my horses be better week after week. I want to have the best students; I’m not far from that one. I want to make my living from horses and horses alone. I know why I was put on this planet.
And sometimes, I honestly feel like I’m alone in that goal (even though I’m not!). I know my darling husband loves me and wants me to be happy and accomplish my goals, but sometimes I am not sure that he knows what it will take for me to be the best and be at the top of my game. I know he 100% supports me: so that’s the doubter in me coming out. I want to be on the cover of Barrel Horse World, be the one that logs on to www.barrelhorseworld.com to do a Q & A session to help others and their horses. I have dreams of Vegas in December, and I won’t get there by myself. I won’t get there if I don’t have more time to devote to my training and my horses.
I’m just sort of stuck in a quagmire right now, I think. I can’t quit my job as an assistant, as that won’t pay all my bills, and my horses aren’t paying all my bills yet either (but they do pay for themselves). And I’m not quitting my horses. I suppose that if I had a sponsor to provide feed for my horses that would help monthly, to the tune of around $500. But I have to do somethng, or rather win some big events in order to EARN this. So the catch 22 continues. I’m not sure what the answer is, but I have to find a solution, or I will not be catching up on my sleep anytime soon.