This has been a long week already. And Friday is just barely here.
Seems like some things in my life are falling apart and other things, well they’re getting better. So that makes me wonder if the things that are getting better are the things I’m really working hard at, or if my previous work is just paying off? And the stuff that is falling apart- am I not working or trying as hard as I should to get improvement in that area?
I feel like I’m working hard in the areas that are falling apart, but I also feel like I’m beating my head, hopelessly, against a wall. I don’t want to do that. It is crushing. Not literally of course, as I’d never really beat my head against a wall, but figuratively speaking. Crushing in an emotional, spiritual sense. But I can only control what I do, I cannot control anything other than that.
I know that I lost it tonight on the way home from the barrel race. I’ve been too busy to let the emotional side of things get to me. Usually a good cry makes me feel better. But not this time. Made me feel worse. Sad. Empty. Lonely. And I should not be sad. Or feel empty or lonely. Ok, maybe I should feel sad. I don’t know anymore.
Can I chalk all this sappiness up to lack of sleep?
I’m gonna try. Things almost always look brighter in the morning.