My house isn’t big enough.
I hate the flooring.
I want new kitchen countertops.
I want a bigger bathroom- complete with a soaker tub big enough for two.
I despise my closet.
Our bedroom isn’t big enough.
There’s no room for *stuff*.
I want more storage.
I will never have the big, pretty, house I want.
So what is the point in trying, dreaming, planning or scheming?
I’ll be living in this 1750 square foot, 4 bedroom house (which really should be 3 because, 4 bedrooms in anything under 2000 sq ft is too small) for. The. Rest. Of. My. Life.
Really, Jenn? Get. A. Grip.
My mother always told me growing up, that negativity was my default setting. The above are the thoughts running through my head in the last couple weeks. I am totally acting like an unmarry-able, obnoxious woman. In part it is the prednisone. In part it is me, not loving myself. Not believing in the good that IS my life. Not seeing all the blessings. Not being content. I don’t know where the happy girl that I used to know has gone. But, I must find her again. STAT.
On Facebook the other day, my friend Pony suggested that we post something that we’re thankful for, EVERY Day in November. I didn’t see this, of course until the 8th or something, but I decided I could back-track and start with the first day of the month. So that’s what I’m going to do. Because I really need some perspective. And possibly a re-organization of my life’s priorities.
These are not in any particular order, and I’m sure as I go on, the list will be harder to make. I plan to update it daily. If you’d like to play along, you can leave the things you’re thankful for in the comments section and I’ll compile a big list of them all for a post on December first.
1. I am thankful for God who loves me unconditionally.
2. I am thankful for pretty, red walls in my kitchen, that were, painted that color, without fuss, by the best man in the world. 🙂
3. I am thankful that Zach wakes up and thinks to himself, first thing in the morning- what can I do to show Jenn I love her today? What can I do to make her life better?
I mean, how lucky am I to have a man that thinks that way?
4. Chickens. I love my chickens.
5. That I have the ability to get up every morning and do exactly what I want to do that day.
6. Baby Bam Bam. I may have expected two colts this year, and only ended up with one. But he’s a pretty great one at that!
7. A wonderful extended family. Families don’t come better than the one here. Honest.
8. Wide Open Spaces. Room to make big mistakes. Room to be myself.
9. That Zach thinks I’m a great cook.
10. That I have a roof over my head and I don’t have to worry about losing it.
11. My health. I have eyes that work to see. I have ears that work to hear. I have a healthy set of lungs. I have healthy legs. I can ride, I can walk, I can climb.
12. I am thankful that I live in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave- where opportunity abounds. All I have to do is reach out and take it.
13. That I have a pantry full of food and a freezer full of meat.
14. That I no longer have to work in an office! My office, is God’s country. How great is that?
15. That I have great friends.
16. That I am able to spend my days horseback if I desire (which is what I did yesterday).
17. That I have carte blanche over making our house a *home*.
18. For super parents that raised me to be a functioning member of society.
19. I’m thankful for the beautiful weather we’ve been having. It’s one less month of wintery weather that we’ll have to endure in the cold north of South Dakota. Really, while it snowed three times in October, it has been just gorgeous this month!
20. I am soooo thankful for my laptop. It nearly died this week and Zach saved it.
21. I’m thankful that Zach is able to save computers and understands technology. I love you, babe!
22. For all the good people in my life.
23. For all the experiences I’ve had in my life- both good and bad.
24. For a comfortable bed.
25. For my own space.
26. That I don’t have to wonder where I’m getting to eat today.
27. For the ability/funds/opportunity to shop on Black Friday.
28. That I beat my little brother in a game of Bowling last night.
29. That I live in such a peaceful place surrounded by people who love me.
30. For the many talents God has given me.