Websters defines unconditional love as: affection with no limits or conditions; complete love.
I think I know how to love completely, or my eyes wouldn’t be sore from crying. After taking time to contemplate the Dove Wrapper, I’ve decided that the phrase: Dare to love completely can mean loving yourself, because after all, don’t you have to love yourself completely in order to love someone else the way they deserve?
And while I think that the healthiest relationships involve unconditional love; the kind that God showed us through Christ, those relationships still involve boundaries.
Websters defines boundaries as: something that indicates bounds or limits; a limiting or bounding line.
In the case of setting boundaries for the health of one’s self, they help us avoid pain and irresponsibility and they’re also important for guarding and nurturing our souls. They’re like fences with a gate. You can control what comes in and what goes out. Love can only exist, where there is freedom – both for us and the people around us. Boundaries help us define the freedom we have and the freedom we don’t have.
I think the true purpose of boundaries isn’t setting up ultimatums to control the behavior of others, it’s about taking personal responsibility for your actions; it’s setting up the breaking point for yourself; what is acceptable and unacceptable to you for the sake of your soul.
If both of these don’t exist, how can one have a truly, happy, healthy relationship?
I talked to a friend night before last who I honestly love unconditionally. He was bad TO me and bad FOR me when we tried to be more than friends. He is an addict, he was emotionally abusive. But despite all of his shortcomings, and pitfalls . . . I love him still . . . unconditionally. No matter what he does . . . I will love him still.
But we are not together, because his idea of a relationship was outside of my boundaries. Infidelity is outside of my boundaries, substance abuse is outside of my boundaries, taking me, my livelihood, and my devotion for granted is outside of my boundaries, and a refusal to work on self is outside of my boundaries.
So while I love him, still . . . unconditionally. There are certain aspects of my life that he is no longer allowed to be a part of. I will love him only so far as loving him doesn’t get in the way of loving me.
And it’s funny, but when I said that to him and then DID that to him . . . he was able to see that he needed help for his addictions and his emotional scars.
This situation has allowed me to see that setting and enforcing boundaries is the ultimate expression of Love.
Great post.
I don’t have any definitive answers for you, but I’m sorry you’re going through it, and you’re not alone. I feel ya – I’m working on it myself.
Ugh – remember when this used to be easy?
Great post – you are in my thoughts and prayers as your life is obviously giving you a few hurdles to overcome.