Oh she’d had two different men that managed to wiggle their way into her life, and always she felt incomplete with them. They tried to tame her free spirit and control who she was. They seemed far more interested in taking care of themselves, and doing what they wanted to do rather than adore the cowgirl. Jenn believed that she was worthy of adoration. Some of the heartbreak experienced might be self-inflicted, because to Jenn, horses were her religion. Her God, her life. She felt like to be whole, she should get to continue to make her equine friends a huge priority in her life. Not that she ever desired to put them in front of prince charming but she certainly wanted both to be allowed to be important. Not being forced to choose.
Once summer, while she was mired in commitment to one of the two heart-breakers, she met a handsome cowboy from the far North. He brought horses to the South for her friend Jill. He was extremely talented horseback. And he was a very nice person; smart, kind, genuine. Jenn invited He and Jill over to dinner at her house while he was in town. She needed to show the hospitality that her land is famous for!
In a discussion that night, he told Jenn’s husband that he should be nice and support Jenn’s horse habit; that he should watch her ride her prized Shuttle, and see how happy she makes her. That evening, a friend of Jenn and Jill’s called at about 9:45 leaving the handsome cowboy and Jenn’s husband alone in the living room. Jenn’s husband got angry with her, he yelled at her while she was on the phone, for taking the call; and promptly decided he was going to go to bed as soon as she hung up.
As one can probably guess, sadly, Jenn’s husband did not take the advice* that was given him so freely one summer evening long ago. And so, Jenn, feeling worthy of being supported and adored, left to continue her quest for horsemanship greatness on her own.
When the cowboy from the far North, heard that she was no longer tied to her Southern Country, he set his mind to convince her she needed to ride his horses. Really there was no convincing necessary. Jenn was very excited to be guaranteed quality horses in her barn. First he sent her one of his favorite colts to ride. That colt was kind and beautiful and gentle and fun. And when the charming cowboy saw, and loved, how well she was doing with that colt, he couldn’t help himself. He had to ask if she would come and work on his ranch in the far North Country.
It took some convincing.
Jenn had never been to the North Country. She wasnt’ sure she’d like it. She wasn’t sure she’d make enough money. She just wasn’t sure. So she went for a visit and rode some horses at his barn and at a barn down the road. She decided she could sell those horses. And she did; she sold three of them. And the convincing continued. She took a leap of faith and and decided to take the job that had been offered to her. It was a big job, indeed. One she didn’t know if she could do. There were so many horses to manage. So much paperwork to do. Jenn does not like to fail and was worried.
And as she got to know Cowboy Charming, and worked by his side and met his family, she knew she had found “the one”. He wakes up each day with thoughts on how he can make Jenn happier. He is a team-mate. A partner. Jenn had never had that before. But her parents do. His parents do. She understands and she knows the spell will never wear off. Jenn is the luckiest little cowgirl in the whole world. She knows they will live happily ever after.
The moral of this story is that you should never settle. You should always know that you are worthy of the best; the best love; the best life has to offer you. If you’re down on your luck, you shouldn’t complain about it. You should do what you can to change it. If you don’t do what you can to affect the outcome, then you’re not doing enough. In bad relationships self-esteem- especially for a nuturing woman- can go sadly to the toilet. But rest assured, you can pick yourself back up. I’ve done it twice and while there are still scars, from past abuses, they are becoming less noticible as time passes.
Thanks to Jen (not to be confused with the Jenn above) of Sprite’s keeper for this week’s Spin Cycle topic of, Love.
*Jenn did try to make that marriage work. After months of pleading a marriage counselor was finally seen, but the months of emotional hurt and rejection had, already taken their toll and Jenn was not too emotionally detached from the relationship to go back. For those of you reading that will say- God could fix it- that’s probably true- but it takes two to tango, and after a first tumultous marriage marred with physical and emotional abuse, I’m just not going down that road. Don’t judge me unless you’ve walked in my shoes.