I’m Righteous and God’s on MY Side…

So it’s O.K. if I treat you like shit.

After the events of this past week, that basically sums up exactly how I feel right now. Some of you will remember that my little sister got engaged earlier this year. We were all very excited! She got engaged to a man that is an ordained minister. A man who wants to Pastor a Church. Shepherd a flock if you will. He has a heart for reaching out to lost souls.

Last Saturday night, her fiance asks her to meet him at the lake. Completely out of the blue, with no warning and no idea there were any issues, he tells my sister that he wants to wait 6 months to get married. That in and of itself, Ladies and Gents, is not/was not what created the ensuing emotional firestorm and devastation. I can understand having cold feet. I can even understand how stressful planning a wedding can be. I understand that sometimes you do not get to spend as much time as you desire with your future spouse. What I don’t understand is this: He refused to answer her questions. He tried (and pretty much succeeded) in dropping the bomb and walking away while she was left with questions, heartache and decisions to make. As a MATURE adult should, she tried to remain calm and wanted to speak with him before she called the whole thing off/ or postponed it, since she had not known that there was an issue. To make it worse, after he left her that night, he then decided not to to speak to her for FIVE DAYS! He denied her request for a lunch date and refused to speak to her unless they were in the presence of their premarital counselor, another Pastor at the church. He only responded to her via email. She got an email from him Wednesday in which he acted as if nothing were wrong. As if she were not hurt and that this could all be worked out. But he wouldn’t answer her calls.

As the details unraveled, we find out that for a week, this self-righteous, “Godly” man (who will now be referred to as a boy), and wannabe pastor, hemmed and hawed around, speaking to numerous people in the church that he and my sister attend. The church where he also works. He jawed on about how he had concerns and he just couldn’t get married because “they” weren’t ready. Did any single one of these people that *counseled* him, ask, “JN, have you spoken to or addressed these issues with Meg?” That remains to be seen, but clearly he handled this badly. His parents came to bring my folks supper on Tuesday night since my mother just had hand surgery. That made for an interesting night. I don’t recall all the details as they were relayed to me but I do know that when my folks asked them point blank how they would feel if someone had handled a situation with either of their daughters this way, the answer was something along the lines of well “it would be God’s will.” WHAT?! My God would never have someone be treated the way he has treated my sister. Even if they aren’t supposed to get married, you don’t give someone you claim to “love” the silent treatment. His parents tried to make the excuse for him that he has very little relationship experience. NOT AN EXCUSE! People are people. We all have feelings. We all deserve respect until proven otherwise. Jesus commands us to love “your neighbor as yourself.” But I guess if you don’t have relationship experience then that doesn’t apply?

This same self-righteous, “Godly” boy, has been driving his car around illegally for a year, because he can’t make a decision about what to do to have it pass inspection. He thinks he can’t afford to get it fixed. He thinks he can’t afford a new car. He’s been given at least one ticket. Someone that wants to tell us not to sin, can’t even keep his own vehicle legal. That’s setting an excellent example, don’t you think?

Thursday my sister finally got to sit down with the pastor that had gone through their premarital counseling with them. It took her three attempts to get him to understand that it wasn’t that John (if you ask me this damn name is cursed, but that’s another blog post altogether) wanted to postpone the wedding. It was that he had handled it wrong. That he had destroyed her trust in him. That how he had handled this had been a complete red flag. How he treated her is how both of my ex husbands handled things with me. One was Catholic, and the other claimed to be a *Christian*. The difference is that neither one of them claimed to have God on their side. They were just assholes for the sake of being assholes. They didn’t send emails talking about how God’s Word gave [them] insight into the fact that “they” weren’t ready to get married. Did God’s Word give you insight into how to treat people like an asshole? The pastor tells her that he is no longer equipped to handle this situation since he knows both parties and works with John. So he wanted to speak to John that day, and we then going to refer them out to another counselor.

What really gets me about this is that churches and Christians are supposedly all about accountability. That you’re to be held accountable for your actions. He has clearly got NO FREAKING idea how he’s made Meg feel. What he’s put her through. That upon my 94yo grandmother finding out how he’s handled it she broke down into tears. He has gotten off scott free. Now I realize that what goes around comes around, but as a member of church staff, shouldn’t he be held to a higher standard? Shouldn’t someone go to him and say “You have behaved in a manner completely unbecoming of any human. Certainly a manner unbecoming of a Christian. Act like a man. Face up to what you’ve done. Start listening (to Meg) and stop acting on emotions alone. This same pastor that counseled them has gotten onto John for being a child- for getting his feelings hurt every time Meg expresses an opinion that might be contrary to his. He’s told him that she is allowed to say what she thinks when she thinks it and that what she thinks isn’t going to hurt him, and it’s not about HIM.

Thursday night he finally talks to her and he accuses of her ruining his reputation by saying half-truths about him. He has accused her of saying that they can never move out of Flower Mound. I know for a fact that she was ready and willing to support him if he were given a job as a pastor of a church in Iowa City, Iowa. Frankly, I think the *boy child* has NO business pastoring anything after how he has handled this situation. In the meantime, Megan is still willing to speak to him, and to give him more time if need be. She felt like this was all a communication problem.

Yesterday he called off the engagement. Broke off the relationship entirely. All the while, he’s being a chicken shit and refusing to answer any of her questions. He has decided he will not sit down with her and discuss anything. His parents, are of course, doing the same thing. His folks and my folks have been friends for years. They are even in a small group together. I think that relationship is over too- and it all could have been avoided if this *boy* had acted like the adult, Christian man he claims to be.

This sort of situation, and this sort of behavior is why people don’t like Christians. And frankly, I don’t want any part of this kind of Christianity. I want nothing to do with people that hide behind God to justify their actions. I know people that have NEVER set foot inside a church for any reason other than to attend a wedding or a funeral; people that are agnostics; people that could care less about living “godly” lives that WOULD NEVER EVER even consider treating someone the way Meg was treated. If that is Christianity I want no part of it.