In our system of justice, you are innocent until proven guilty. Or theoretically anyway. I always feel guilty, however. I don’t know if it’s how I was raised (being in the church and knowing I am never good enough), or if it was due to past relationship flops, during which I was treated such that I was made to feel bad for every decision I made (I couldn’t be good enough, or say the right thing or make enough money, etc). Or could it be because I’m a woman and I don’t really want to hurt anyone- I’d like to make everyone happy all the time (except where politics are concerned). I’m constantly apologizing for things I shouldn’t apologize for. In case you haven’t guessed already, this week’s Spin is about G.U.I.L.T.
As I was thinking back this week, getting ready to share my thoughts on this, I realized I grew up hearing my mom say she was sorry about things- whether they were in her power or not. But if we really don’t have any control over circumstances, OR we are happy with who we are, and where we are and we make decisions based on who we are and where we are in our lives, then what do we have to feel guilty for anyway?
I am beginning to believe the only reason to be truly sorry (or feel guilt) is if it is something within your control and insomuch as sincerity is concerned, you then won’t conduct yourself in that manner again or you won’t make the same decision again or you’re not happy with yourself at that point in time. Then you can feel guilty. Then and only then can you apologize to the world if you see fit. All that being said, there are still times when I feel guilty about the past and past decisions. I really struggle sometimes with letting those go. After all, the past is in the past, right? What’s done is done?
C’est la vie?
This is probably a horrid example, but it’s the first one that popped into my head this morning. People that over-eat probably feel a LOT of guilt. My issue with guilt isn’t over-eating. It’s apologizing for thinking, or believing a certain way. I’m generally happy with how I am and who I am. So if I love me some me, I should not feel guilt nor should I apologize for feeling that way. I do though. I should have made this a resolution!
All of this being said, this spin really made me think about the whys of guilt. I am adding, NO MORE apologies to my list of things to work on for the year. I think that goes along nicely with the *complain less, be content more* thought process that I’m working on. I hope that through reading this and reading the other spins this week that we’ll all learn something from each other.